Worthless

The downfall continues: I got conned out of US$20+ dollars in Chicago (which I am not going into). . . and I just got rejected for a staff writer position for the Michigan Independent. I don’t know what’s wrong with this semester; I’m just fecking pathetic, always aiming and never reaching. It’s really no wonder why I’m not wanted by her – because I keep failing.

Some kind of writer I am; 21 years old and still nothing to show for it. Some fifteen-year-old is probably a world bestseller right now. Times like this, I can only look to my God. Even though the situation doesn’t magically and miraculously alter into some ideal image in my mind, it just gives me an avenue to let all the pain, hurt and tears out.

But honestly sometimes I wish someone would just put a gun to my heart, say “this is your solution”, and pull the trigger.

Advertisements

6 Comments

Filed under Christ, Emo, UMich Life

6 responses to “Worthless

  1. Diyana

    clinically, i would say you’re suffering from depression, which is normal for anyone as it happens to all of us anytime. i suggest you get some St John’s Wort over the counter, or if it persists, you should seek medical aid and get some SSRIs prescribed for you. it will help.

    as a friend, i would tell you to hold your head up high and live through these troubled times. nothing works out at first, but just you wait and see, all these dejections will somehow, someday amount to something good. they say it takes suffering to understand the beauty of joy. granted it is difficult now, but just hold on for a little while longer and all of these would be a distant memory.

    i’ve been there too, ted.

  2. Ted K

    thank you for your kind words, Diyana; I do feel somewhat better after a night’s sleep. This happens to me too often than I like it, and I’m ashamed. Anyway, I also received your Lego package yesterday. . . even though it was technically a sad day, it was probably the only bright light from it. I was very touched by it! Actually, when I was in a Lego shop in Chicago, I was contemplating on whether I should buy that same set – thank God I didn’t! 🙂

  3. incognito

    u need a kiss and hug
    come to papa!

  4. Ted K

    haha a hug maybe…but no kissing, especially since I don’t know who you are!

  5. incognito

    awww come on..
    where is your sense of adventurism?

  6. Ted K

    haha… you’re a guy, which totally rules it out unless it’s for serious drama performances! If you’re a girl, then that’s different. . .

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s